Lazy Bride's Blog

Testing - One, Two...

It may seem like a no-brainer but if you have any technical equipment you have to deal with at your wedding (ie sound system, slide projector, computer) test it out BEFORE the wedding is underway. I've had weddings that have ground to a halt whilst everyone frantically tries to get the laptop with the music for a presentation to boot up (note - put any music onto two iPod/MP3 players so you always have a back up). Or a home-made movie that was edited in such a rush the audio didn't work or a slide presentation that was loaded into the projector upside down.

Delegate someone to be your 'techie' (someone who is not in the wedding party as they will have enough going on) and have them coordinate with the presenters testing out all equipment a couple of hours before the wedding and ensuring they bring whatever hook-ups, wires, cables they need. 

A few small steps can keep your wedding from falling into the Abyss of Technical Meltdowns.

Keep It Easy

Being you're a lazy bride and all, you've probably got the concept of 'easy' down pat. Keep that motto close to your heart during your wedding planning as you want to make things as stress-free as possible. I know, 'stress free wedding' may sound like an oxymoron (up there with Jumbo shrimp and airline food) but it is possible to cut back on the stress by keeping this guiding principle in mind - avoid divas and drama queens/kings at all costs. That means choosing bridal attendants who will support you, not raise your blood pressure (you know what I'm talking about, the bridesmaid who wants to be the focus of attention) and hiring vendors who are easy to work with.

There are lots of different personalities and levels of talent out there in all professions. And some very talented artists, be they photographers or florists or musicians or planners, are also very difficult to work with. If things are exactly 'so', they'll fly off the handle, create a scene or threaten to walk out. It's like walking on eggshells at all times with these folks, waiting for a possible eruption to occur. Is that what you want to deal with for your wedding?

No matter how 'artistic' or talented a vendor is, there is always someone else who can do an equally wonderful job for you without the dramarama. When interviewing vendors, check your gut. Is it telling you this is someone you can work with, collaborate with and feel at ease with? Or are you getting the feeling you'll need to kowtow to them?

YOU are the client and it's YOUR wedding. You want to be respectful and take the vendors' professional opinions/suggestions into account to ensure your wedding runs smoothly but you should never feel like you're being run roughshod. If you're not feeling the love, maybe it's time to move on to someone else. Life's too short to play into someone else's sense of self-importance and your wedding is not the place for increasing your stress-level.

Keep it easy and be happy.

Cheapest Doesn't Mean Best Value

As you plan your wedding, gathering quotes from different vendors, it's tempting to take the lowest quote in every area. While that may save you money upfront, the cost in the long run could be a lot more, not only in hard cash but in time and stress (which are priceless). There is a difference between bargain (Etymology: Middle English, from Anglo-French, from bargaigner - a transaction, situation, or event regarded in the light of its results 'a bad bargain') and value (Etymology: Middle English, worth, high quality, from Anglo-French, from Vulgar Latin *valuta, from feminine of *valutus, past participle of Latin valēre to be of worth, be strong a fair return or equivalent in goods, services, or money for something exchanged - Webster's).

One wedding I recently assisted at a beautiful luxury villa had opted for the $22 per person caterer (which was really a small local restaurant whom I doubt had done any catering before). While good cooks, they were over their heads and under staffed - the wedding planning team waitressed and bussed tables as there was simply no one else to do it. Worse, the chaos in the kitchen resulted a flooded floor, plugged sinks and a visit by the plumber. And they left the house in worse shape than when they arrived. Needless to say, the end of the night was stressful for the couple as they worried about their damage deposit possibly not being returned by the villa owner.

Who do you think would give better value-  the $22 per person bargain caterer with their myriad problems or the $65 per person caterer with a full and professional staff, who leaves the kitchen spotless, cooks without chaos and runs like a well-oiled machine?

Over the years, we've dealt with 'bargain' florists, musicians, bands, photographers, videographers that couples have hired and almost without fail, there have been problems. From showing up late to leaving early to not backing up photos to renting out dirty gear, these 'bargains' have cost dear in the end.

There are no 'do-overs' when it comes to your wedding day. Ensure you have the best team possible working to make your event as perfect as possible. If a vendor is significantly underpriced compared to the competitors, ask yourself 'why'. A Chevrolet Aveo is a car as is a Honda Fit. Each has four wheels, a steering wheel, combusitble engine, etc. So why does the Honda make the Best Value list whilst the Chevy  is considered one of the Worst Values? A number of things, such as construction, materials used, design, handling, etc. Sure the Honda costs more but the value it brings is overwhelmingly better than the cheaper 'bargain' Chev.

Quality vendors, who bring true value to the table, will (usually) charge what they are worth. Get the best you can afford within your budget.  Hire for the value, not for the bargain and you'll save time, money and grief.

Toast the Champagne?

A question I am asked a lot by couples is whether they really have to serve champagne for the toast at the wedding reception?

Short answer...no.

Nowhere is it decreed that 'thou shalt serve bubbly at thy wedding'. Seriously, you don't need to fork out extra money for champagne (the real stuff from Champagne, France which is pricey) or sparkling wine (same process but usually cheaper). I find the majority of people don't like it so they will have one sip when they toast and not touch the rest in the glass. Literally, that's money being poured down the drain.

From an etiquette perspective, you can toast with anything you're drinking, be it wine, soda, water...whatever is wet and in a glass.

So there you have it, dear Lazy Brides, save yourself some money and ditch the champagne or bubbly if you're not a fan.

And one final etiquette note - when you are the toastee (the person being toasted) do not stand, raise your glass or drink. Simply smile graciously and remain seated.

Photo from Wedding Speech Blog

Dear Bridesmaidzilla...Go Away

Photo by Dan Power Photography

Bridesmaidzillas??!! Yes, dear reader, they do exist so brace yourself. Thankfully, they are few but it's a reality of weddings that no one really talks about. Suddenly, your best friend since kindergarten is not the loving, supportive attendant but a self-centred b* trying to upstage you and complaining that your choice of dress color is "cheap". Just what every bride needs to deal with.

So, here then is my open letter to bridesmaids, in my effort to banish Bridesmaidzilla to the deep depths of wedding lore, where she, Bridezilla and Groomzilla can scrap it out whether it should be the chicken or the fish...

Dear Bridesmaid,

Thank you for agreeing to stand up for your friend/sister on what  is likely the most special day of her life. It's a huge honour as it means she cherishes your friendship and believes that she can rely on you to support her in all her wedding preparations. It's an exciting, emotional time not only for her, but for you as well. She's relying on you to be there for her in more ways than one.

Being a bridesmaid is a lot more than just showing up in a pretty dress and holding some flowers for photos. A LOT more. If you're not up to the task, do everyone a favour and decline. Seriously. An unsupportive attendant is the last thing a stressed-out bride needs. Your job is to reduce her stress level, not add to it.

Your #1 job is to support the bride. The wedding is not about you so don't try make it so as you'll do nothing other than tick everyone off and look desperate for attention (not flattering).

Being a bridesmaid has costs associated - yes, you are expected to pay for the dress, for the shoes, the jewellery and accessories as well a shower gift and a wedding gift. If you cannot afford it, let the bride know upfront. Open communication is the key to friendship. Moaning about the dress pricing down the road just plants seeds of discontentment in the garden of friendship.

That said, do NOT complain about the bridesmaids' dresses/color/decorations/flowers. If the bride asks you to go along during initial scouting sessions to give opinions, then do so but if it's a done deal, smile and suck it up, buttercup. The bride is happy with her choice and you should be too.  Snide, catty comments from you, her gal pal, about something she has spent countless hours planning will only make the bride miserable. Keep your thoughts to yourself and be gracious. Make "WWJD" (What Would Jackie Do) your mantra (ahh, Jackie O, you are missed).

Offer to help out. Don't just say 'what can I do' or expect the bride to come out and ask. Be proactive and offer specific tasks (ie. "Can I help you stamp and stuff the wedding invites?"). Remember, you are expected to pitch in and lighten the bride's work load.

Plan a bridal shower and bachelorette party. Doesn't have to be a girls gone wild weekend in Vegas but something that everyone involved can afford and will enjoy.

Attend as many pre-wedding parties as possible.

Help keep track of who gave what shower gift so the bride can send out the thank you notes.

At the rehearsal dinner and wedding, be the hostess with the mostess. You are representing the bride to her guests so be charming, be nice and smile. 

Be ready on time. Again, this is not about you so don't hold up the day 'cause you couldn't get it together or are playing some passive/aggressive game.

Help with set up/tear down of decorations, etc. Expect to be the last person to leave the wedding, not the first. Your job is to make sure everything is squared away at the end of the night so the bride and her groom can enjoy themselves.

If there is a wedding planner, play nice. She is not there to usurp your position nor is she there to take on your bridesmaid's duties. You're all on the same team and are all trying to make the day the best possible. Leave your ego and any latent resentment at the bride for hiring a planner at the door. 

Get up and dance. Once the floor opens, be the first to kick up her heels. The rest of the guests will follow your lead. An empty dance floor is the kiss of death to any party so make sure there is always someone on it.

Don't drink like a fish. Remember the wedding where the 'maid ended up under the table and people are still laughing at her? 'Nuff said.

During the wedding, be aware of what's going on. See something that needs fixing, do it. Try to minimize asking the couple to make decisions. Be proactive (within reason) and take care of small issues. If a decoration is falling down or the buffet is needing more food, talk to to the appropriate vendor.

And most importantly? Have fun. Smile and make an effort. Be there for the bride and show her all her hard work and fretting over the blue or the green napkins was all worth it.

Thanks

Lazy Brides the world over

Got Bills? Shrink 'Em!

Here's a great site that will help you save some coin for your wedding - Bill Shrink. It's a free service that provides unbiased recommendations to save you money. Simply plunk in your cell phone provider, credit card or where you buy gas and you'll receive a comparison of your service vs the others and the potential savings you'll have by switching. Given that there are countless plans, companies and ads, it's mindboggling to try to figure out where you'll get the biggest bang for your buck but thanks to Bill Shrink, answers are just a few keystrokes away.

Easy and free and saves you money - can't get much better for a Lazy Bride!

Brides Care

Happy New Year everyone! With the start of a new decade, I'm sure lots of you have wonderful resolutions to make this year a fabulous one. After all the turmoil the last year saw, a sense of renewed hope seems to be lifting everyone's spirits and (to paraphrase the Black Eye Peas) I gotta feeling that this year's gonna be a good good year.

And this got me thinking about the possibilities available for brides to make a difference to their community and the world. There are about 2.16 million weddings to take place in the United States this year, from simple exchanges of vows at City Hall to million-dollar blow out bashes and everything in-between. 

What if every couple did something to help the community? Something as simple as having the flowers delivered to women's shelter or making a donation to a non-profit group in lieu of favours or choosing to purchase the wedding cake from a small local business over a big box store. Small steps and one's that don't cost much, if anything. But imagine if even half the couples marrying consciously decided to make a difference through their wedding. 

Wow. That's a million people making a decision to help others.

So, here's my big idea. What if brides (like you) make a commitment to do something to help the community via their wedding. Whether it's making sure all the bottles are recycled from the reception or giving locally made thank-you gifts or purchasing your invites from an independent artisan...whatever, these small actions create a ripple effect. We could call it  the Brides Care Challenge and have a site where brides can post what they're committing to. It would also be a  place to find ideas to give back to the community.

Lazy Brides, what do you think? I'd love to hear your thoughts and if you think this is a good idea, I'll get the site set up.

New Year's Resolutions

As the 00's (what else can we call it?) draw to a close and the new decade/year waits just around the corner for us, time for a bit of reflection and resolution. To all you Lazy Brides preparing for your wedding next year, may I suggest the following resolutions for your consideration...

1) Have "the money" talk with your partner - the biggest cause of marital angst is money or specifically, lack of it. If you're a shopaholic and your bunny bear is a miser, there is gonna be trouble down the road, guaranteed. Be brave, be adult and do it now. Sit down and discuss what your life goals are - where do you see yourself at age 70? At 50? And how are you going to manage your money to achieve those goals? I highly recommend I Will Teach You To Be Rich by Ramit Sethi (I think everyone in their 20's and 30's should read it and implement his simple program). Have the talk, make some plans and save yourself a lot of grief down the road. 

2) Don't become "that" bride - don't lose who you are by focusing every breathing moment on your wedding. Nobody at work really wants to hear about the intricacies of your gown's lacework. Be excited but don't let your life become one-note as it gets boring for you and everyone else pretty quickly.

3) Respect your vendors - they are professional and experienced, which is why you hired them (if not, look elsewhere). Trust that they will provide you with the bet solutions to make your vision a reality. Have open, honest communication with them so they really understand what you want/don't want. Be nice and the doors will fly wide open for you. People want to help others who are respectful and have built a relationship with them. As my mother always said, you get more flies with honey than with vinegar. 

4) Be realistic - live and plan within your budget. Don't expect your vendors to come down on their price because you want a bigger wedding than you can afford. Hate to break it to you, buttercup, but every single bride is in the same boat, whether they have a $2000 or $200,000 budget. There is always a fancier, pricier option and every single wedding requires budget decisions/sacrifices. 

5) Give something back - yes, the wedding day is all about you but it is also about community. A wedding is a gathering of family and friends celebrating your love so why not share the joy? A few small steps can make a difference in others' lives. Doesn't have to be big or expensive. Think of things as simple as giving a donation in lieu of favors,  choosing to use an artisan's handiwork over something mass-produced in a sweatshop overseas, dropping off the flowers to a woman's shelter after the wedding,  serving locally-produced food, asking the venue to recycle everything possible from your event...small steps but ones that can have lasting impact. Imagine if you and every one of the 2.1 million brides for 2010 did something to give back to their community - what a wonderful world it could be!

6) Relax and have fun - no matter how much you sweat, worry and plan, something is going to go slightly askew. That's Real Life. So prepare for it. Have your Plan B's in place, yes, but resolve to let go and enjoy your day rather than fixating on the minutae. If you're having a good time, the rest of your guests will as well. 

Happy planning to all and may 2010 be the best year yet and your wedding a beautiful and funfilled experience!

Take a Break

Planning a wedding is exciting, exasperating, exhilarating and exhausting. UN peace negotiations can seem like child's play in comparison to the fancy-dancing required with the in-laws over the invitation list. Some days, you just want to pull the covers over your head then run away and elope.

Fear not - this is completely normal. Yes, it's your day but you also have to take into account the tender feelings and egos of friends, family and significant others. It's a tough juggle and you're likely going to drop one or two balls during the act. Add in balancing the budget and aligning your 'vision' with the reality in the bank account and that drive-through wedding window in Vegas starts looking pretty promising.

Here's my suggestion - take a break. Make one day a week totally wedding free. No talk of veils or menu choices or receiving lines or anything to do with 'the big day'. Mark it on your calendar and let your family/friends know that there is to be no wedding talk that day. Make it date night with your honey and just be two crazy kids in love. 

A wedding is but one day in your life. I've seen brides get so wrapped up in the planning that they lose track of themselves. They are no longer 'Sue' or 'Betty' or Alexis' but 'The Bride' and their entire existence is 'The Wedding' (I'm sure you know 'A Bride' - everything is referenced to The Knot or the last issue of Brides). Here's the thing... once the confetti has been swept away, the flowers have wilted and the dress sent to the cleaners, there is a sense of loss that creeps over you, even to the least 'bridey' bride. Suddenly, you're not longer the centre of attention. Your moment in the sun has passed and now, you're a newlywed (still exciting but without the sheen of the gal clothed in white). You've made that rite of passage from maiden to married. And no matter how 21st Century we are, with our iPhones and Twitter and computers, there is something profound about this transition. The week or so after the wedding can be an incredibly unsettling time as you mourn (yes, I said mourn) this loss - the girl you were, the single life you had, being The Bride. You've just made a commitment to be with another human being for the rest of your life and that's big. It's completely normal to experience a mental, emotional and spiritual shift. 

So what's the secret to post-Bride happiness? Have fun. Let loose. Don't lose sight of the rest of your life - all those things are not wedding related. Enjoy being The Bride but enjoy being YOU more. Your friends, family, hubby and your sanity will thank you.

Photo by Dan Power Photography